This is the sad story of a lover's leap foiled by the fate of physics. The romance centers around Dr. J's maiden aunt and her so-called boyfriend, Jilting Joe from Buffalo. Aunt J and Jilting Joe had only known each other for a few weeks, but she was sure it was a Coca-Cola relationship (the real thing). On the other hand, Dr. J viewed it as a sour-milk setup (it smelled from the very beginning). When Jilting Joe proposed marriage, Dr. J feared that he was after her bank account more than her homely face and lack of grace. Therefore, in final desperation, Dr. J locked his aunt in her second- story bedroom. Not to be stopped, Jilting Joe established communication with Aunt J by sending sines through the window with a flashlight (this guy knew all the angles). She responded with matching sines (that's right-cosines). Together they decided on a final plan - they would elope (check the title). Jilting Joe signaled for Aunt J to make a rope out of hosiery and slide down to his waiting arms. She couldn't decide which brand to use - Leggs, since they were running away, or No-Nonsense, since this was nothing to fool around about. She finally decided that Jilting Joe would prefer Hanes (although we know better). As luck would have it, she came down too slowly, causing the hosiery rope to break. In the resulting fall, she fell head over heels for Jilting Joe. However, it proved to be the final blow to their relationship, as Joe failed to survive.